Just kidding - it's just a cyclical action that we continue to pass down, and then pass the blame. It's not ALL your fault, but you play a vital role, just like I do.
There was a time when people took pride in understanding themselves, in striving for wisdom, in wrestling with their emotions instead of being ruled by them. But today? Emotional intelligence is in freefall. We live in a world where reacting is more valued than reflecting, where feeling something deeply is mistaken for weakness, mental health issues, being 'weird' or 'woo-woo'—but the fact is, those are all just narratives we tell ourselves to justify the belief that emotions should be blunted, hidden, and dismissed as an excuse for 'that time of the month.'
This isn’t new. Throughout history, emotions have been categorized as either strengths or liabilities depending on cultural norms. In Ancient Greece, stoicism was revered, teaching that rational thought should always triumph over emotion. The Industrial Revolution encouraged a rigid work ethic where personal feelings were seen as obstacles to productivity. The 1950s idealized emotional repression, particularly among men, pushing the belief that strength meant silence. And now? Now, we are in a new cycle—one where emotional intelligence is ridiculed, misunderstood, and weaponized.
The cost? A generation of people who have no idea how to navigate their own inner world, let alone connect meaningfully with others.
The Collapse of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is not just about understanding feelings but about structuring your life in a way that allows you to master them rather than be consumed by them. It is about personal responsibility and the necessity of confronting uncomfortable truths. It requires deep introspection, accountability, and a willingness to confront the ugliest parts of yourself.
At the same time, true emotional strength comes from the ability to express emotions in a constructive way rather than suppress them out of fear of appearing weak. Emotional intelligence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you cultivate through struggle, honesty, and intentional growth.
Statistically, the decline of emotional intelligence is glaring. Studies show that empathy levels have dropped nearly 40% among young adults over the last two decades. Workplace conflicts have increased, with nearly 65% of employees citing emotional incompetence in leadership as a direct cause of job dissatisfaction. Mental health issues, particularly anxiety and depression, are at an all-time high, yet emotional intelligence—the very skill that could help navigate these challenges—is often dismissed as unimportant.
And when emotions are ignored or suppressed, they don’t just disappear. Instead, they manifest in other destructive ways: binge-eating to fill an emotional void, drinking to numb pain, compulsively shopping for a fleeting sense of control, mindlessly scrolling through social media to avoid self-reflection, overworking to drown out emotional unrest, and gaming for hours on end to escape reality. These coping mechanisms don’t make the pain go away—they just create new layers of suffering that eventually demand to be addressed.
My Own Battle With Emotional Avoidance
I used to think I was emotionally intelligent. I could read people well, sense when something was off, and adapt to situations accordingly. But there’s a difference between being emotionally aware and being emotionally honest. I was good at managing situations, but I wasn’t good at managing myself.
I learned that the hard way. I spent years avoiding the deeper truths about myself—convincing myself that my reactions were justified instead of examining why I was reacting that way in the first place. I thought I was in control, but in reality, I was just avoiding the work.
Avoiding hard truths doesn’t make them disappear—it makes them grow into monsters that eventually consume you. And that’s exactly what happened. The moment I started peeling back the layers, I realized how much of my life was ruled by subconscious fears, past wounds, and unexamined beliefs that dictated my behavior without me even realizing it.
It took pain. It took embarrassment. It took accountability. But it also took compassion for myself—forgiving myself for past mistakes while also refusing to let those mistakes define my future. That balance is what emotional intelligence is truly about.
The False Comfort of Emotional Immaturity
We live in a world that makes emotional avoidance easy. Think about it:
Social media rewards outrage and emotional impulsivity over thoughtful discussion.
Society teaches that stoicism means repressing emotions rather than mastering them.
Many people weaponize their emotions to manipulate situations instead of understanding themselves.
We self-medicate with distractions—scrolling, drinking, binge-watching, binge-eating, emotional spending, gaming, excessive working, over-exercising—anything to remove ourselves from reality.
People confuse validation with emotional intelligence, seeking constant reassurance rather than true self-awareness.
True emotional intelligence requires discomfort. It demands that you stop lying to yourself, that you stop playing the victim, and that you stop blaming others for your own inner chaos.
Avoiding personal responsibility doesn’t make suffering go away—it just spreads it around. And isn’t that what we see everywhere? People lashing out at others because they refuse to look inward? People creating toxicity because they refuse to heal?
And when we refuse to heal, we don’t just hurt ourselves—we pass the pain down. Emotional avoidance fuels generational trauma, a cycle where pain, dysfunction, and abuse are unconsciously repeated because no one is willing to break the pattern. Parents who never confronted their wounds project them onto their children, either by repeating the same toxic behaviors or by being emotionally unavailable. Families become battlegrounds of unspoken resentment, anger, and unresolved pain, all because previous generations were too afraid to do the work.
Worse yet, our culture actively stigmatizes healing. Mental health struggles are dismissed with jokes, therapy is ridiculed as unnecessary, and seeking emotional support is labeled as weakness. Instead of confronting trauma, people make it a personality trait. Instead of working through pain, they turn it into a source of identity—something to cling to rather than something to overcome. The result? An endless loop of self-victimization, bitterness, and abuse—one that we then pass down to the very people we claim to love.
We have to break free. We have to break the wheel. We have to break the cycle. We have to break the chains. Whatever metaphor you choose, the message is the same: it has to end.
And the only way it ends is by doing the work. Not just when it’s easy. Especially when it’s hard.
The Challenge: Become Emotionally Intelligent Again
If emotional intelligence is dying, it’s because we let it. But we can also revive it. Here’s how:
Sit With Your Emotions. When you feel anger, sadness, or fear—don’t run from it. Ask yourself: What is this really about?
Stop Making Excuses. If you always blame others for how you feel, you’re giving away your power. Take responsibility for your reactions.
Challenge Your Own Beliefs. If something triggers you, don’t just react—ask yourself why. Is it because it threatens a belief you hold too tightly?
Learn To Communicate Without Attacking. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about what you feel—it’s about how you express it.
Stop Hiding Behind Distractions. The more you numb yourself, the less you grow. Face your emotions head-on.
Emotional intelligence isn’t soft. It isn’t just about being kind or understanding. It’s about having the courage to be brutally honest with yourself while also having the compassion to grow beyond what you were yesterday.
The people who refuse to develop emotional intelligence will not only suffer, but they will cause suffering for everyone around them.
So which will you be?
Will you continue to be ruled by your unexamined emotions? Or will you do the work to master them?
That choice is yours. But make no mistake: It is a choice.
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